Welcome to Club 40s! Which party are you seated with? Not sure? Okay, well over here to the left we have the “Been together for over a decade and currently married with kids.” Not you? Okay, to the right we have the “In a long-term relationship but no kids” group, not as chaotic of a table section as the first. Next we have the divorced. Behind them we have second marriages. Single? Oh, your table’s at the back, right this way, follow me…
Which table are you seated at?
It’s all so easy when we’re all in our 20s, isn’t it? Everyone is single, except that one couple that’s been together since senior school, that leaves early every night. In our 30s most people have paired off. They get engaged, then married and start having kids (or dogs). By the end of our 30s and early 40s, some people get divorced and are splitting assets or who gets to keep Sparky. Some even get married a second time. Others are perpetually single and no matter which table you’re at, it all feels so… different.
And that’s okay. What matters is that you’re staying true to yourself. We all know the statistically high rate of divorce, yet most opt to get married anyway. This works both ways. If you get married and stay married, you’re one of the lucky and successful ones, according to some anyway. If you get divorced, no one really cares. It’s common enough, so get back out there and try again. If you’re single, it’s seen either as a choice or a default.
The general theme here is that it’s all other people’s opinions. What matters is that you are living a life that makes you happy or is on the way to making you happy. It won’t always be easy. Those who are married with kids might seem like they have it all figured out, but if you ask, they might say they’re miserable and envy single or divorced people. This goes both ways. Those who are single or divorced might envy the chaos and routine of being with the same person and having a family.
Don’t fall into the pressure of societal norms. Some of the happiest people have been with the same person for life. Some of the happiest people don’t ever want to be with the same person, or do, but don’t desire children. Some of the happiest people had to take multiple attempts at marriage to get it right, but the beautiful thing is that they keep trying and let the person who was wrong for them go.
Happiness in relationships in your 40s can look however you like. There is no longer the pressure of partying in your 20s or getting hitched and having kids in your 30s. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to criticise yours. Do what makes you happy and the rest will follow.
Subscribe to our blog and podcast for more life tips over 40! It’s a wild ride, and I’m here to help guide you through it. Or at least try.
Emotional, Physical and Social Health Over 40:
What it is and Why you Need to Care
Our needs change as we age, particularly so with each new decade. In our twenties we want to party, drink, dance, socialise without commitment. In our thirties we look to settle down, want more peace and quiet, maybe a yard or even a kid. In our forties… well, we’re far from where we started, but there’s still plenty of life to live. Let’s break it down by the top three hierarchy of needs: emotional, physical and social.
EMOTIONAL
Our emotional needs can often go neglected. Maybe you’re a parent, which means your needs typically come last. Maybe you’re still rockin’ the single life while all your friends are paired off, and you feel lonely. No matter what stage of life you’re at, taking the time to care for your emotional needs is crucial.
Our emotional needs stem from the way in which we carry out our lives. The more chaotic your life, the less likely you are to be meeting your emotional needs. Here’s a quick check-in for your emotional wellness:
- Meditation—a great tool for checking in with yourself at any point in the day. With the popularisation of apps such as Calm and Headspace, meditation is accessible at the tap of your finger. These apps include guided meditations by category, ranging from dealing with stress to loss, to quelling nerves before a flight or meeting. No matter where you’re at, meditation is an excellent practice to incorporate into your daily routine to keep on top of your emotions.
- Journaling—you don’t need to be a writer to see the benefits of journaling. Use a short template and commit a few minutes a day to writing out your intentions, one affirmation, and at the end of the day list things you’re grateful for.
- Gratitude—listing, thinking or saying the things you’re grateful for on a daily basis has been scientifically proven to improve brain function and boost happiness. Tip: keep your items of gratitude as specific to your day as possible. Rather than stating you’re grateful for your health, you could list being grateful to have the ability to play with your kids at the park or go for a jog. This keeps you more mindful and in the moment.
PHYSICAL
It’s no secret our bodies change as we age. Our metabolism slows. We can often feel like we’ve lost a little of our speed and fire. This doesn’t have to be the case. Be intentional with what you eat. Maybe you have a full career, kids, both, and cooking is the last thing you want to do. Hey, look, I get it. That’s what Postmates is for!
In today’s technologically-ready world, there’s no excuse to hit the fast food drive-thru anymore. Order up some whole food dinners and let someone else do the shopping, prepping and cooking. All you have to do is eat and throw out the container. Pretty sweet, right? Don’t forget to move your body. It can be as simple as a daily walk, or as intense as a gym routine. Your body is the greatest instrument you’ll ever own—take good care of it and don’t be afraid to use it.
SOCIAL
Like with our emotional and physical needs, socialising needs greatly differ. We seem to lose touch as we get older. We tend to feel less alone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Make it intentional to have dinner with your family a few nights a week—and don’t allow the TV to be on. Have one night a week where you and your partner get ‘alone time’. Call your family. Call your friends and see them once a month. It takes effort, but it’s worth it. We are social creatures and need to satisfy that need as much as any other.
Subscribe to our blog and podcast for more life tips over 40! It’s a wild ride, and I’m here to help guide you through it. Or at least try.